Smog, phlegm and marbled pavements

Easy geezer

Since our last post we've made our way across three more vast Chinese provinces, an experience we're unlikely to forget. While it has disproven some of our initial impressions, it has also confirmed some common preconceptions about this strange place. For one, yes, China is absolutely massive. It's huge. No, it's bigger than huge. It's 6.5% of the Earth's land area, nearly 300 000 times the size of Bermuda.

Secondly, it is very populated, home to an unbelievable 23% of all human beings. It's the kind of country where travelling at night does not mean less people around you, an observation confirmed by our sleep deprived mid night intercity missions.

Arriving well before sunrise, we've invariably been greeted by oceans of humanity. On dark freezing mornings tens of thousands of Chinese commuters stand outside colossal train stations, huddled together like a slowly rotating colony of emperor penguins on an ice shelf, each one taking their turn in the coldest outer layer. All of them without a hat and desperately breathing into their cupped icy hands.


Smokey

Our trip has taken us to Chongqing, Xi'an, and Beijing - three more Chinese supercities. We've seen the Terracotta Warriors of Xi'an, the hot springs of Huaqing Palace, strolled around the quaint fortified city of Pingyao and seen silk worms do their grossly fascinating magic. Not bad really, for a week's work.

Almost all these places have demonstrated more of the modern day Chinese characteristics - humongous buildings, ancient heritage and a nationwide lack of personal hygiene. Because, holy mother of God, this is a gross nation. If China was a movie it would be set to a Philip Glass soundtrack of spitting, sneezing, coughing, slurping and burping. Despite having one of the most advanced space programs on Earth, the Chinese have apparently yet to discover things like napkins and soap.

Any more than a few minutes aboard a Chinese bus will result in an involuntary phobic retraction of the strings on your sweater hoodie, to minimize any exposed facial area. Presumably, since billions of Chinese cough in each others faces all day long, they must have developed incredible immune defenses. Surely one day, from under the smouldering rubble after a catastrophic nuclear war, the only two surviving species on Earth will rise - cockroaches and the uber-resistant Chinese bus passenger.


Kiosk

Starbucks and McDonald's appear on every corner of every block in every city, their entry strategies into China no doubt ready decades before they could set up shop here. Even Kenny Rogers is in on the action, with a chain of bizarre chicken outlets. In the grand shopping districts of the centers of the cities a whirl of people proudly mill about in jeans, carrying McFlurry's and sipping cappuccinos. China is trying very hard to look like a developed country, although it clearly isn't.


Ticket counter

With an enormous population growth (Chinese women push out more than 13 million sprogs a year) and a massive increase in GDP, the general consumption of China is simply mind-boggling. Travelling through the otherwise beautiful countryside, one passes an endless stream of factories, the size of small towns, every one with a number of towering brick chimneys spewing out thick toxic smoke. Much of which surely ends up in the lungs of the phlegmy population.

The environmental impact is painfully clear. Most rivers and valleys we've seen, no matter how remote, have been littered with trash. China uses an unfathomable 3 billion plastic bags a day (causing the government, apparently, to officially 'ban' them from June onwards). By 2020 this country is estimated to annually produce four hundred million tonnes of garbage. So, as always, the long sought after development and economic growth comes at a massive price.

Still, the cities we've been to have all been rather clean and fun, something we weren't quite expecting. With skylines that would embarrass even the most architecturally ambitious city in the west, they have all been overwhelming urban metropolises, pulsating in colourful neon displays.


Neon

Every city we've visited, even the ones which are in the arid middle of the country, have had shiny skyscrapers so tall one can't see the top of them (although the thick smoggy pollution may have had something to do with that). For a country where more than 90 million people live under the internationally recognized poverty line, there is an awful lot of money being spent on marbled pavements.

In Chongqing we had a lovely dinner in a 45th floor "rolating restirant", enjoying 360 degree views of the fancy inner mega city, as we ate our way through a bizarre menu of bad translations. Here, some of our favourites:

Rude Fat Cow
High Fever Cabbage
Balsam Pear Cloud Ear Clear Stomach Point
The Outer Space Pulls The Shrimp


Munchkin

Being a famously omnivorous nation, the Chinese seem to eat anything. For dinner we've been offered anything you can think of - snake, toad, Guinea pig, sea cucumber, balls, guts, brain, rabbit, buffalo, scorpion, grasshopper, and several indeterminable other items. However, like all true spoiled Western scardicats, we've mostly resorted to good old fried vegetable rice, and other bland unadventurous options. Although our culinary spirit tells us to go forth and explore, the reality of 14 hour coach journeys tells us not to.

We continued our journey across the mighty Yangtze (Asia's longest and the world's 3rd longest river) and along bridges over gorges and valleys, to the ancient city of Xi'an (meaning 'perpetual peace'). As the beginning of the famous Silk Road, and having been the preferred home for the most important dynasties (Zhou, Qin, Han and Tang, according to our guide), Xi'an has a number of interesting sights, the Terracotta Warriors the most famous one.


Miniature souvenir army

This amazing underground army (touted as the '8th wonder of the world') is beginning to rival Disneyland in entry numbers. And it's gone fast too. Since 1974, when a local farmer accidentally found fragments while drilling a well, a vast concrete village of gimmick shops, hotels, museums and bus terminals have been built on the rural site. There is even a museum on the site dedicated to displaying the story of, wait for it, the museum being built. That's how proud the government is of this place.

And it keeps getting better, with more treasures being discovered all the time. In 1980, for instance, they found 2 gold ridden bronze chariots at a site nearby. For all their cruelty and ruthlessness these ancient dynasties really did grandiose opulence in a way no one has been able to replicate since. Not even Donald Trump.

As expected, everything imaginable is for sale at the site. Chewing gum, balloons, toilet paper, and, unsurprisingly, plenty of miniature warriors - all manically flogged by screaming vendors who'll chase you down the street in order to fully get on your nerves. The local farmer who discovered the site, a national hero and president of the museum, sits every day in the gift shop signing books (and, as he happily demonstrated, spitting on the floor).


Us

Now, since a few days back, we're in Beijing, a large and remarkably charming place. Arriving by coach at night (hoodie strings strung as tight as humanly possible) we made our way to a very nice hostel near Tianamen Square and the famous rosy-cheeked pudgy poster of Chairman Mao.

Tomorrow we go to see the Great Wall, which requires us to have another early start. So, sorry, bed time it is.

Good night from China.