Piña Colada - a pathetic excuse of a cocktail

Gross

Someone, please explain. How on Earth can otherwise innocent sounding ingredients like strained Pineapple juice, Light rum and Coconut cream, together create such a vile tasting drink? And, hey, if you knew, why didn't you warn us about it?

A few days ago, as we wheeled our wooden loungers closer to the pool, after a particularly stressful debate about suntan lotion, we proceeded to order a pair of Margaritas. Seeing as they have always been the perfect start to a perfect afternoon, we were disappointed to hear that the bartender didn't have the ingredients to make them.

'Ok, no worries, so what can you offer instead?' we asked, taking it in our stride.
'Piña Coladas', came the very leading answer.

Foolishly, in our thirsty afternoon optimistism, we accepted.

'Sure, thanks, we'll have two.'

If you've never had one, here's a summary: rancid pale baby vomit, luke warm, part-fermented pineapple juice, carefully blended with a backwash of cheap rum. Worst of all, it comes cunningly camouflaged with a cute little cocktail umbrella and a pineapple ring.

So, a word of advice to those of you who haven't had the misfortune of having ordered one:

Don't.